About Passion And Dreamz

Nothing struck bitter than a tragedy...

2010-03-25T11:15:00.000-07:00

Well, things going on in the contest was fun and exciting, enjoyed making new friends and knowing them. Things were great until an incident happened actually...

To put things simple..There was a miscommunication between a share broker and me, which resulted a loss of 8K plus of my savings. I have always been a person who is always bounded with financial issues, ever since the day i signed on in the SAF. Supporting the family and pulling everything together, and i hardly have any chance to truly enjoy the fruit of my hard labour per se. Finally, the day i came out of SAF with a sum of savings, thinking that i could use that to generate some income, and to survive the world out there, things happened. Everything was fine until then..It was so big a struggle that i was thinking if coming of SAF was the right choice. WTH! I started to doubt the calling, and especially i was taking part in a contest on TV.

Slowly, the rest of the days in the contest, i struggled to keep myself 'alive'. The whole incident affected me emotionally and mentally, and i just can't concentrate on each segment. Fashion sense was up next, and i remembered that i didn't really think much of what to dress my 'model' up. I went into a shop and saw a nice full set of outfit on a mannequin, i told the sale assistant that i wanted the whole set to don on my 'model'. Well, i thought he looked ok after all, but not to the judges' point of view..I didn't really fare well for this round, but i wasn't really bothered with it. If i am not in for the semis, so be it..

Christmas and New Year were round the corner, and i wasn't at the best mood of all. When came to Thanksgiving dinner, i was like...don't ask me questions man! I was struggling to thank God for about something. Gosh! I thought i will get it thru somehow, but it was not easy. Bills pilling up and questions started coming in..Next i knew, it's 2010! Elimination round came, and somehow i was through to the semis, which i think was because i scored quite high for the Guts challenge..Nonetheless, the worse was yet to come as the challenges of the contest came...thought i should be quite braced up for the challenges ahead, but i was wrong...

Creepy Crawlers...Eeeww..

2010-03-19T11:45:00.001-07:00

Part 2 of the challenge was actually to catch some lizards..We were brought into some WWII tunnel in Woodlands, and i didn't even knew that place despite staying there for a good 11 years. It was at some jungle, and we gotta bash through some bushes and reach the place. It was kinda eerie down there, and James was the 1st one! The rest of us were waiting in the van, and it was long half an hour before it was my turn.

My turn up next..Michelle Chong asked me a couple of questions before i headed down the tunnel. The same few questions that were posed to me by the producers too. Are you afraid of lizards? What are you afraid of? Well...i said that i don't really think that i am afraid of them, but rather i will feel more disgusting. This brought into some thinking point..Somehow a question i can't really answer. The producers were kinda 'annoyed' in a certain sense that they cant find out anything that i am fearful of. Not to be boastful or arrogant, but sincerely and frankly speaking..I really don't know unless situation arises. Even if i happen to see a 'Casper' or funny creatures, i will just brush it off and stuff. I guessed thats probably my character which was built in me since the younger days, having to go through hardships in life.I trained myself to the point of conquering my own fears, and i did so without lidding an eyelid. I know a lot of people definitely have something that they are fearful of, and its not easy to conquer that sort of fear. For my case, i won't know until situation arises, and if i really have to say something...I will have to say, the death of my loved ones..Personally,I think there is nothing more fearful than your loved ones gotta go before you..Frankly speaking, that fears me the most out of anything..Therefore, what's your fear today? Is it good to have something to fear for, or nothing to be fearful of? What are your views? I leave it to you to ponder about...

Anyway, back to what i was talking about before the debate. The tunnel was eerie and was filled with Gzekos (lizards which are 2 times bigger than your household lizards), their eggs were everywhere. On the top of the wall, at the side of the wall, everywhere! It was indeed disgusting, my goodness. I was called to pose with the lizards and the eggs, not knowing if any of them will drop on my head, somehow none of them did. I carried on commenting on my exploration of the tunnel, and i was called to hit 1 down for my next task. Next, i found my photo, and i gotta sign on it. The last challenge was to put on a pair of surgical gloves, and catch one gzeko and put it in the ziplock bag. I put on the gloves, and looked for one convenient stop, and next the gzeko was in the ziplock bag. The producer and the crew were stunned, because everything happened within split seconds.They were like, "HUH?! You caught it already??" The camera didn't even have time to pan to what i was doing..Okzz...Next i was called to take off the gloves, and catch another one alive. Being that task-oriented as i am, i promptly took off the gloves, and the same way as before, without a second glance, i caught it without a blink of my eyes, and it was in my hands. I started to pose with it, and i thought the lizard was almost dying out of breath in my hands already..Haha! They commented me that i did it like some kung-fu master like that..Haha! Think i am too task-oriented already, thats why i just did it without thinking twice about it. Is it a good or bad thing??

Up next, we were brought to QIAN HU fish farm. To cut things short, we were supposed to find items in a huge tank filled with meal worms. Disgusting huh? 10 ice cream sticks labelled from 0-9, and the hosts will give us any 4 numbers, and we gotta find it within the shortest time. 2nd challenge was, we will need to find 3 coins within the shortest time too. Drama Mama Kiwi took the longest time, and ended did not even touch the worms at all. Leon somehow freaked, and was broken into tears of disappointment, i comforted him along the way. What happened? I was wondering, because he was doing fine back inside the tunnel. Eventually, i emerged as the fastest finder within 58 secs for both challenges. Each stick i took happened to be the correct number, and i found the 3 coins within 22 secs. The hosts were shocked and they were saying that God was with me. I believed it so...Praise God! But still...i don't think there was something to be proud about despite clinching the winner for this round.

Brian called me up the next day, and we chatted and he was stunned to find out that fella who did under 1 min was me. The fastest guy after me was him, and he had to do it within 2min plus. I told him that God was with me, bro! Haha! Best of buddies as the time goes... ;)

What's so Gutsy about it?

2010-03-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

Yup...Next up was basically about GUTs..How daring you are...For this round, i happened to be grouped with Benjamin, James, Kiwi and Leon. Early in the morning..We were dressed up quite casually with a pair of berms and shirt, and were escorted into a room. Before that, we were anticipating of having to eat or touch some gross stuff like in Fear Factor. Well, much to our surprise, we saw 1 guy and 1 gal dancing with some long red cloth in the room. We were like...HUH?? What's so scary about that? Ah huh! We were instructed to learn the dance from them! So...they were our 老師! Yes! We are gotta learn to dance 彩帶舞! Oh my goodness..I was asking myself??! I can't dance for nuts, for goodness sake! Hate dancing man! Haha! What does that gotta do with GUTS??! Ok fine..Whatever..

I was perspiring as i learned the swinging and coordinating of the whole dance. Freaking not easy man! Probably it was just me i guessed..Haha! I made the instructors vomited blood i guessed. Sorry Viv and Kenneth! But they were really patient and awesome, i must say..We became friends even now. Oh yes! Not to sidetrack, we had an hour or so kinda crash course, and then were called to change into our smart and formal outfit with tie.

Part 1 of the challenge was...Dancing 彩帶舞 in the public! We will be judged on our composure dancing in the public.We were supposed to dance at Raffles Place, but it was raining and we moved on to Orchard 313, which happened to be the 2nd day of opening. Goodness me..It was packed with people after people. We were seated at Addy's Moonsoon Salon while waiting for our turn to 'perform' in public. In our smart and formal outfit, we were handed a mini compo and a briefcase which contained our 彩帶. The instruction was that we gotta walk out from nowhere and settle ourselves in front of the concierge where there was the most people walking. Place the mini compo and briefcase down, play the music, take out the 彩帶 and dance for 3 mins, and we must end off with a shout out Hur!Hur!(Something like a 'garang' war cry)

The camera crew was hidden somewhere 'up there' where no one will notice, so it won't seen like some sorta shooting.

Ok..James was the 1st one, and i don't really know how he fared because no contestants was allowed to watch one another. My turn up next, and as calmly as i could, with the mini compo on my left and briefcase on my right, off i went! Placed both down, and played the mini compo. Wow! It was really really loud man! You can't miss it definitely if you are around. Took out my 彩帶 and started dancing away. I had no idea what i was dancing and i just 'anyhow' invented my own dance and smiling my way through the whole ordeal. The 3 mins were like forever, and i was panting and perspiring and i started smiling awkwardly, and i believed was all captured on camera..I was filling with thoughts and was thinking isn't that humiliating and making a fool out of us? Sigh...A fruit of thought for the day?? But i did heard of feedback and comment on that after it was aired. Finally, i was signaled to stop, i packed up my stuff and let out a big shout of Hur! Hur! which i believed at least 3-4 floors of people heard that. Haha! Followed on

was Kiwi and Leon, they weren't really in a good mood though. I thought Ben was hilarious, he started out his war cry as and when he like while dancing. He scared the heck out of a malay auntie who walked past him, and i was laughing my head off that man! Goodness..

At the end of the day, i think i did well for this segment despite fumbling my dance but i managed to stay calm and smile..at least thats according to the judges. Well...next part of the challenge is gotta be more interesting! Creepy stuff...Till then again... ;)

The Physical 'Challenges' Ahead...

2010-03-10T10:39:00.000-08:00

The challenges which i meant was basically the challenges which lie ahead of the program, U RE THE MAN. We started off with Physical Endurance at Sentosa! Nice sunny weather for a good tan i would say for that day..Not knowing what we gotta do, we reached a place called Wave House. That's something new to me, and we found out that it was a place for wake-boarding enthusiasts who yearn to have slices of wake-boarding experiences. The producers knew that none of us have prior experience in wake-boarding, and posed us with the 1st challenge.

So the 1st challenge was...Balancing! The aim was to balance ourselves as long as we can on the wakeboard. We were given approximately 1 hour of crash course by the instructors. I would have to say it was quite demoralizing as i kept falling! Haha! Well, all in the name of fun and i did enjoyed that experience. Leon was the best at it, he got the 'tune' quite steadily i would say. After every segment of the coaching and training, the real thing was coming up. I wasn't confident, and i was praying that i would not end up as the last one, and at least let me stay for a few couple of seconds, because i didn't managed to stay even for 1 sec! Oh my goodness! It was my turn and i was giving all sorts of funny expressions and stuff, and i thought it was hilarious! I managed 6 secs by God's grace and wasn't the last fella. Needless to say, the best timing belonged to Leon, 27 secs for him. Good job!

Stage 2 of Physical Endurance, we went to Snow City @ Jurong. The aim was to endure the coldness under the temperature of -10 degree celsius. The hosts were clothed with winter outfit while the 10 of us were only put in windbreakers. Shivering cold i guessed. Things that we need to do...Part 1 was to eat ice kacang, then sing a song or a 'cold' joke with the fan blowing into our face. Part 2 was to blow as many balloons with the snow flakes falling on you..Part 3 was to do bare-footed skipping!Oh my goodness...Frankly speaking, i wasn't quite affected by the whole cold stuff, and went about doing my job. I was emerged as the winner for this part of the segment, having to blow the most balloons and not giving up in any of the challenges that were posed to us. I am a person who possessed quite a high tolerance for coldness, but melts easily in the heat..Haha! Nevertheless, everyone of us suffered frost-bite on our toes, and complained for 2 weeks. Heck of an experience!

Part 3 and we were back to Sentosa...We gotta climb and run thru high obstacles course..the hosts kept emphasizing the fact that i am the oldest among all. Well, thats for entertainment value i guessed..Well, being oldest is not a burden in terms of fitness challenges like this. Haha! At least, i emerged the fastest in my group though not the fastest among the 10 of us. In fact, i thought i should have done better if not for 1 part which i got stuck. Well, as a fitness instructor's point of view, it's not the best way to gauge one's fitness endurance. Nonetheless, the obstacle course was really interesting, reminded me of army days and i thoroughly enjoyed that.

End of Challenge No.1 and next we moved on the Challenge No.2...Oh ya! Challenge 1 winner was Dennis. He was the fastest in clearing the obstacle. His timing at 3min ++ was sickening. Had no idea how he did it, but advantage for him was he's lightweight. We started calling him 'Lau Gau' (monkey in hokkien). Haha!

U RE THE MAN Part 1

2010-03-09T12:38:00.000-08:00

Yup! I got into the whole thing of U RE THE MAN. Initially, I was kinda hesitant in joining the contest, but on the other hand someone told me that it should be a good experience and exposure since i am into this line. Who knows that more opportunities may come along my way, they said. Probably, they were right and i did think and pray about it, and Ok! Fine! Just do it! So, i was called in for a briefing on one of the nights @ Mediacorp.

It was a time that all contestants, producers and hosts get to meet up and get to meet with one another. The 4 hosts are Michelle Chia, Michelle Chong, Vivian Lai and Yuan Shuai. Michelle Chia does look gorgeous in person, and still remembered that she came in late after a shoot with another contestant, Kiwi, as they acted in Polo Boys together. Producer Glen was the facilitator for the night, and everyone introduced themselves to one another. The usual stuff, Name and Job etc..Hosts, of course out of courtesy and formality introduced themselves too, despite knowing who they are.

Lets see who were there...There were Brian, Benjamin, Dennis, Kerson, Kiwi, Desmond, James, Gusti, and Eric! If you were to ask me, what was my 1st impression of my fellow contestants..I don't really have much to say, because i always try not to fall into the category of being that judgmental. Came to think about it, i still remembered that Desmond looked familiar, kinda seen him somewhere before. Kiwi talked like an Ah Beng. Dennis looked old with that beard on, but was a year younger than me. Brian looked like he came from Hongkong, and indeed i found out that he did lived there for a while. James was your typical cutie boy next door. And Gusti showed his muscles with his pair of singlet on the 1st day of meeting. Sad but true, i was the eldest in there...Haha!

Whatever it was...Think i am getting to know more about myself of being a person who cant be bothered with what people said. Is it a good thing or bad thing? Well, i believe that it should be evaluated in a different context. Good for me is simply because i wont be easily affected emotionally and mentally. Furthermore, i was brought up in this way, and grew to be more nonchalant of what people may said and think about me. Bad is that we may tend to become more self-centered and disregard people feelings sometimes, and not yearning to change for the better. What you think then? Perhaps some may think the same way, but i believe everyone have their different point of view too.

Before moving on to the various challenges ahead, think i shall end here before anyone or myself fall asleep with such long entry. Well, my aim here is to keep on blogging and not stopping for that long. Cultivate a certain discipline, you know?? ;)

Moving On Part 2..

2010-03-08T11:50:00.000-08:00

Yup...Channel U : U RE THE MAN! What a name for that man!My goodness...It all started the day i joined Upfront Models, and they had a Thanksgiving party @ Oosh. Well, its a time when models get up close and personal with producers and directors, and they exchanged contacts for future job opportunities. The whole thing was good but cliche in certain ways, probably i was considered some new chap in this line, still trying to learn the way of PR-ing in this line. Not my cup of tea for sure...

Reached there around 8.30pm, although the whole thing started at 7.30pm. Holding on to my portfolio, i signed in and said Hi to Ewan and Bernard (my bookers). Felt so strange and disoriented, because i knew no one. Not knowing how to get started, i started off with the most typical Sporean way of dealing situations in a party. I took my fair share of the delicious food, and moved to one of the tables, and started digging in. Think God was kind to me not to make me feel that lonely..I actually found someone i knew on the football pitch, and we were in the same team. He happened to be a producer and we started chatting away while munching on our food. All that happened for almost 45mins before Bernard came up to me with a guy.

He introduced himself as Glen from Mediacorp. We stared chatting and i came to know that he is a senior producer with Channel U, and they were going to do a reality program which later titled as U RE THE MAN. 10 men competing with one another in challenges such as Physical Endurance, Guts, Fashion Sense etc..So, he was actually talent scouting dudes for this show, and we exchanged contacts. He would not want an open audition, so there wasn't any publicity of the show. Everything was supposed to be in house scouting and audition. After that, he said he will get someone to contact me in a few days time.

Indeed, a phone call came and i was called upon for an interview. Next i knew a few days later, i was in this reality show. The commitment is approximately 4 months, starting from November. Wow! This began as another brand new journey in my life. The whole thing about showbiz, the people that i know..and of course the UPs and the DOWNs...I will end here with that..till we go deeper again.. ;)

Whats Next...

2010-02-27T19:18:00.000-08:00

Continuing form part 1, left me thinking about the crazy decision i made though...10 years of stability in SAF, and i gave up on that for one of the most controversial , insecure and unstable job of all in the media/entertainment industry. Well, not that something that i always dreamt of doing since young, but more of challenging myself to the next stage of my life. Looking things around, Derick and Patrick have gotten themselves a job and eased those burdens off my shoulders, Dad and Mum also working. It's time to move on, and knowing myself is not a person of great faith, this is one big step i am challenging myself to believe in.

I remembered walking out of Nee Soon Camp for the last time, and its kinda cliche to think that, it looked like 'walking out of prison' and you shouldn't turn back to take the last look of it. Nevertheless, i held no grudges against the organization but gratitude towards those who seen me through the years, despite complains and lamentations at times. (We are human after all, right?) I walked through the BTS canteen and memories flew through my mind, why such memories? Ironically speaking, i was enlisted 14 Feb 1999 into NSC, and I ORDed 1 May 2009 out of NSC. Memories of times that i used to run about at the parade square, the bunk which i used to stay in, the place where i heard about 'Casper', the canteen where i used to eat, the field i used to kena tekan by PTIs. (See the tree over??) All these bore the best memories because i think Recruit days are the most hilarious and naive time i ever had. Great buddies and instructors (although not many may testify to that..) Whatever it is, i believe everyone have their own Army stories to tell, and i shall leave that to myself...

Of course, there is a price to pay after deciding not to fully fulfill the contract. Contract was 12 years, but i left at 10th years. Despite just a mere 2 years difference, the price was 10k plus not including of CPF. I always have the $$ struggles, and i was quite prepared to give it up but not easy..With that amount paid up, its a brand new start of life. Thank God that i received enough jobs and somehow i broke even within 2-3 months. Each day i lived by faith and not knowing what would happen next..i maybe have 2-3 jobs a month, and nothing at all for the next 2 months. My life is really like shares market, emotional turmoil running up and down..Family, career, relationship etc took a toll on me at times, as questions after questions kept pouring onto me, and being as human as i am, questions kept ringing in my mind. Next i knew was at another stage of mental development of my life, despite thinking that i should be well-prepared after going through those tough times earlier with the family.

Nonetheless, i met awesome people along the way and they became the channel of blessings in my life. They became friends whom i believe i can trust and rely on in the days to come. These are angels whom i believe that God had sent, despite of different beliefs and values. Somewhere around in Nov, i got a connection and joined Upfront Models, and a new journey beings again....

Been Sometime...

2010-02-09T10:28:00.000-08:00

Goodness me..i just realized that my last post was approximately 3+ yrs back..Thats the problem with me when i was contemplating whether to start a blog.I simply lack the discipline to maintain it.So, 2010's resolution is to revive this blog again. Its the 2nd month of 2010 now..wondering where should i start from..

Lets start from May 2009 i supposed..The month which i left SAF after serving 10 years in it. There are so much to talk about, really..Do i have fond memories of it? Will i miss those days?What are you gotta do? You sure? People had been asking me questions after questions. Normally, after telling them what i gotta do..They were like..HUH? Sure or not? Thats quite a 360 degree change of job and environment.

In 2007, i have been praying and asking myself if thats what i really want to do..1st thing came to my mind was the monotonous life in SAF. After serving for a numbers of years, i learned more about myself, as being a more adventurous and risk-taking person. I felt so stagnant and not feeling a sense of personal growth within myself. The world is bigger than anyone would have thought of, and i just cant see myself staying in SAF for the rest of my life . Moreover, i saw my 2 younger brothers having their respective jobs, and i knew that my responsibilities were almost done. No studies and textbooks, and sometimes pocket money. Although, the housing loan was still a big issue, but i seriously need to think about my future. I don't want to live a life full of regrets and not seeing the world out there. The restrictions in force wasn't doing me any good too, frustrations grew over the time, and came to a point that i thought it's time. 10th year will probably be a good year as i pondered for quite a while. Its always difficult to get yourself moving the 1st step but eventually i did. Drafting an Early Release letter was a headache and i still remembered, typing and deleting and still wondering if i should leave. After all, my career had been crafted nicely and steadily, everything had been taken care of, my CPF and stuff..Sigh! Eventually...i still came out with the letter and made an appointment with CO, and we chatted about it. Verdict was he agreed to that, and we settled a date and that's it! I am leaving SAF, my one and only full time job for the last 10 years. What's next??

Think its time to sleep soon..should leave it as Part 1 to be continued..Gotta stay fresh for a long day of recording with Channel U. Dancing??!! Goodness gracious me..How i got into this Channel U thingy? Still a long way before i come to that..For now..just be it.. Nitezz!

Getting There...Well done, IGNYTE!

2007-06-03T05:05:00.000-07:00

The young IGNYTE boys beat the Adult team 3-2 today. It was a good game which i would say, the young ones played with so much zeal and desire within them. I played the 1st half with the adults, and was 1-0 down due to a goalie's mistake. Nevertheless, i thought we attacked more, but if you don't make chances count, it's simply no use lamenting about it. I went over to IGNYTE and marshaled the defence. I need tougher opponents to get my form back. I lost it after our 3rd AGAPE match, and i almost don't know why though! Fumbled the first few touches, and i got myself back slowly. My reading and accuracy of clearance left me during the last 2 matches. I just felt lethargic and restless. Sigh! Almost 2 more weeks before our next AGAPE match, i gotta get myself back!

As i slowly get myself back on track, i was almost back to old self. Throwing my body all over the place, although i conceded a penalty with a handball, it was an equalizer though. As cool as usual, i am not gotta ponder about any mistakes and carried on my game. Slowly, i felt that i was coming back to the old Eric Gwee! Just a few more matches to fine tune myself should be enough. Let's wait and see! Within minutes, we were in front with 2 goals, and we were 3-1 up. Real spectacular and amazing! Within relentless effort, the adults came right at us, and managed to nick one back through a corner. Nerving moments followed, i kept my concentration and defended with every inch of body. The young ones were doing a tremendous job, and were so different from the way we played them during the 1st time. I really give it to them man! Finally, the final whistle was blown and it was a great game!

With that kind of zeal and determination, the young ones showed that sizes doesn't matter! In my prayers, i do hope that these kids will be able to play together for the longest time if they can. The way of how they approached the game and won it, i wish that it will be the same in their spiritual walk with God too. Never give up till the final whistle! Anyway, it was another tiring day for me. It may seen another sunday, but guessed i learned something from the youths today. It's somehow served as a reminder to me, it is to be humble and be a child again.

"Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation..." (1Peter2:2)

I believe that human always fall into complacency in life every often, likewise for me and it may seen like a verse which have been overlooked most of the time. Being an adult, it's ok to humble ourselves to able to admit mistakes we made. Humility takes huge courage and it helps us to grow more mature. So, being able to be a child again and humble ourselves does make us grow and and it's an act of grace as well.

Leaders' Summit Day 1

2007-06-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

Still feeling the burden as i went on my way for Leaders' Summit. I started praying hard in my heart, as i met Melvin Cho at Causeway Point. It's definitely not the right time to feel this way, i want to enagage in the right spirit, i told Him. No matter what, the show must go on man, Eric!

We reached church and headed to ECP for our morning activities. Although we had some "complicated" rugby game, believed we had fun though. Haha! By the time we reached NACLI, its around 1430H. We began worship at 1500H...and that’s where everything began...

We started worshipping and i started asking God a lot of things. First is to ask Him to take away those burdens, so that i can just worship Him in awe. Secondly, what is His plans for me in this ministry, since He had called me into this, as i haven't felt right emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Those disppointments, failures, hurts and burdens have kinda taken a toll on me, and i know if this continues, i am going to go back to my past again. How many times am i going to fall, my Lord? Lastly, when will problems back home end? For a moment, i was able to sing praises without thinking of other stuff, i was getting to feel more of God. So many things i wanted to go bended knees, but was held back...Probably was because of pride, pain on knees and some other reasons. This time round, i just went down without thinking, i was desperate and needed a touch from Jesus, and wanna see things the way He sees.

Somehow, i began to see things and heard He speaking to me. That's what He told me....

1) It's just the beginning of your ministry, Eric! This is what I want you to do....
- Put every past disappointments, failures and hurts behind!
- Everything which you had fail to honor and fulfil before today (30 May'07), put them all behind!

2) This is going to be your ministry for years to come! Why and How?
- You are going to be spiritually renewed and regenerated in every area and aspects of your life!
- You are going to do great things like never before, and I will speak to you!
- You are going to be my testimony of UPs and DOWNs in life, "Fallen Warrior" and source of encouragement and motivation to others...

3) Family Situation and Struggles...
- When have i forgotten you, Eric?
- What about those favors you get from your superiors?
- Those "extra" jobs which came along your way?
Aren't those the blessings which come along? Therefore, be patient and wait for my call and timing, my child...Let's wait and see...There will be victories after victories, and you will see visions too, Eric!

The presence of God was so strong that i started tearing a bit, situation which happened once a while. I know it's Him speaking directly to me and He left me with this verse...

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
(Joshua 1:9)

All these happened on the Day 1 of the summit, and what was to come the next day was more affirming..Whatever was spoken above, i claimed it as a victory! Everything will be coming to past...Thank You, my Lord....

At The Desperation Point....

2007-05-31T22:46:00.000-07:00

Things have not been great till the next morning. Dad woke up around the same time as me, before i went forth for the Leaders' Summit. He came up to me, and asked if there are really other alternatives. The sense of burden came upon me again, holding on to my glass of milk and my nutrition bar, i tried to come out of a solution. I left with a couple of dollars in my account, and there is nothing i can do much. I called him to get some amount from mum to settle first, and he was reluctant to do so, because mum always give him the "black face", and he will go crazy after all. Quite evidentantly, the communication and understanding between them have been broken and still not been mended.

I asked him this question, "Do you believe in Jesus?" and he said "Ya!". I said the attitude is not there, if he does....Not only should he just merely read the bible, but he needs to understand HIM, and pray upon HIS name. My parents have been "entertaining" me since one crisis happened couple of months back. Things were still manageable for a while until it deteriote again. After all, that is all about human though!

4 and 1/2 years ago, i depended on gambling and tossed around with luck, hoping to meet my financial needs. I got away with it most of the times though, not until i chose to honour, because people told me He could provide. Nevermind then, i will try and see how it goes...Holding to His promise, i endured and resisted every opportunities to have my hands on it. 6 months later, i got spotted on the street, and did my 1st modelling advert, and i never looked back. 12 assignments in 1st year is no "luck", it's blessing! Still remembering how i tided over those adversaries that year, when dad needed all those extra $$, which really took the toll on me. I shared with him this testimony, and called him to pray and believe at the same time! That's my solution for him, and i can't help him much, because things are beyond my abilities already, like those job interviews and applications. At that point of time, i prayed and asked and was given.

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. (Luke 11:9)

Although, it's just a simple and common verse, but most of the time we overlook the simplicity, and also being complacent about the needs in life. What God wants is just a simple faith, and nothing else. In most situations, unless we are experiencing a crisis, if not it's almost impossible to turn back and ask ourselves if we need God. Therefore, i asked dad, how much does he believe and do say a prayer in the name of Jesus before he goes for any job interview. I believe things will be different if we choose to simply believe and trust in Him.

Although, whatever i said may sound a bit cliche to some of you here. Personally, i experienced the few breakthroughs in life and i believe it can happen to anyone, if he/she choose to believe. Not that you are poor in terms of finance, but the perspectives and direction of your life. It won't take you long to say a simple prayer with the name Jesus in it, and it's nothing creepy about it. Just a simple open-minded heart will do. I started in desperation 5 years ago, and i have seen His promises.

"If you are helpless in life fray, His mighty power will be your stay; Your failing strength He can renew, For He's a God who cares for you...."

It's trying time ahead...

2007-05-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

Nothing much for the day though..Came back home from work, and saw dad sitting at one corner. He had been jobless since CNY, and had gone for countless of interviews, but to no avail yet. Electrical bills are mounting and he told me that the authorities may gotta cut the electricity off in a couple of days time. In fact, he had just stopped the men from cutting it, before i reached home. For a moment, the creeping of disppointment, worries and other mixtures of emotions appeared in my heart and mind. I was left with $7.95 after paying a couple of bills and expenses, after checking my balance. I am trying hard not to touch my wedding savings, but i guess i may not have a choice though.

Instead of choking up of those mix emotions, i tried to take a quick shower and a quick nap before heading off to gym and image training. But things kept resonating in my mind, and once again all the negativities came upon my heart, and i felt so down and out again. So, i said a short prayers of peace and that my dad will get a job soon. I told myself that its one of those moments again, those moments of attacks upon my life, which i gotta battle out. So many times, i was disappointed with my parents for "entertaining' me, in which they told me that they will go know about God. They never did though, and they chose to believe in themselves instead. Personally, i experienced the goodness of His love and provision at the time of need. So, i don't see why He won't do it, if they are to come and know Him personally.

Well, God told me that they are human after all. Just like in the old testament, how the Israelites chose not to believe even after they were shown the miracles by Him. I am trying to be patient for the right timing though, and i wondered when it will be, even as i know that His timing is always perfect. "When is it the right time, my Lord?"

6 Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy.
7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
8 Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours.

(Psalms 86:6-8)

It is trying times ahead once again...i am trusting and trusting, not going to give up the life i am leading now and my future is His hand, unless i take it out from Him. Hold on, Eric! You have been there and done that! It's nothing new...Remember...Passion and Dreamzz...His Destiny!

Its time.....

2007-05-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

Well, i never expected the advert to come out so unexpectedly on OCBC though! My goodness...it seem like the whole world knows except me. I was kinda shocked and surprised, and i was expecting a tea session before the RSM brief. Yup! He got me there.."Eric! Later, come to my office, i need to speak to you." "Ok! No problem, Sir! " a reply from an obedient soldier.

My heart was actually nervous initially. I was thinking how to explain myself for this situation again. Then, somehow i thought.."What's up, man?" Isn't that what you want, Eric Gwee! Clear the air asap, and get carried on in life. You wanna continue to build up your 2nd career here, hello! So, what's so nervous about that? Go up there and speak your heart out! He is WO Tay, one of your favourite and probably one of the best warrant officers you can trust around. Somemore, he knows me personally since i got posted to the training school in 1999.

WO Tay, he was my SI around 7 yrs back when i was in training school. He is a soft-spoken person, but whatever he says contain substance which always makes me feel motivated. He is wise in his words and is always patient to hear people out. In fact, he just live around my area. I sent him off when he was posted to China for 3 years, and he rised thru the ranks and became my RSM now. Something which i glad to hear that then. Last year, out of concern, he spoke to me about my modelling stuff, and warned me of those people who maybe out to sabotage me thru the authority. Well, i stopped doing it and started thinking hard about my future for the next half year.

Finally, i came to a conclusion. I had decided to be an Image Consultant after i ORD in few years time. Why? Probably can share with you all in my oncoming blog though! So, inside his office, i shared with him what i wanted to do, and i dont have the intention of staying in service. My OC was called in as well then. I do have all the criteria for the 2nd contract, but i asked myself if this is my desired job, and something which i want to do for the rest of my life? I signed on purely because of family commitment, and i had sold 12 years of my life to the force. Think it almost time to think of what i actually want in life, to really create something out of my life. After plying my trade in modelling, i saw a vast difference in the outside world, its more dynamic and challenging. I realized that i actually love challenges and the type of "adventure-seeking" kind of person. Being an Image Consultant, i need those profiling, credibilities and credentials to ply myself in this trade. Able to model and act add more muscles into my profession profile and these are things which i am keen in doing as well. So, i am cool with not being paid to act or model for the sake of experience and profile. After hearing what i had shared, they had decided to help me thru this period of time. Thank God for wonderful superiors....Really...

In life, we live once and not twice. Do go according to your passion, and don't get stuck in situations. If you know some sticky situations are bound to happen, avoid doing things which may lead to them. I thought hard of what i want to do next, have you? Don't let the negativities of this world to hold you back, be bold and courageous! To me, i am stepping out of the comfort zone, and risked myself in the outside world. Well, it is now or never....In God i trust.....

When you had a bad day, you've taken one down!

2007-05-27T06:51:00.000-07:00

Tiring!! We won the match at a score at 3-1. I did not perform up to my expectations though! But comparing to the match last week, i think there was an improvement. I was injured at that point of time, and thought i am ok for this week match. I was not my usual self since we won the last AGAPE match. Maybe its only the competition mood and atomsphere which i am craving for, or perhaps its the loss of form. At least for the moment , i somehow get to understand those EPL players' loss of form. How we see Rooney and Henry lost his touch at goal and talented defenders like Ferdinand suffered criticism from his sub-standard performances at one point of time. Just like every player have their day and i had mine too. I was a bit disppointed but now really that bad because the thought of going back to church for ministry later, revitalized the mood within me! That's when everything started....

So tired as i was, when i woke up after 2 hours of rest. As usual, i got everything ready for church. My timing will be just nice for the briefing at 1615H. Sigh! My bus went away when i got downstairs, then i gotta walked out to the mrt station. I was perspiring and panting when i reached there lor! Nevermind...the train "arrived" and left!! Araghh!! I am still cool though...not until my "chiong" Adidas bag from KL snapped on me! That's it! I am late! I am going to be late for the briefing, because i am going to get myself a new bag! Haiz...Where should i get my bag? I decided to dropby AMK hub and look around. It was 1555H, and there was no way i am going for the brief. Without much ado and hesitation, i searched high and low for a decent looking bag, but all are for ladies!! OMG! Until...i chanced upon a Lecoq Sportif white bag, one which i have been looking at sometime, but don't bear to buy it. Not wasting anymore time, i paid without asking the price. I ended up paying $69.90 for it! NO!!! I am drying in my pocket...and i still gotta return Kelvin 15 bucks later...Sigh! Nevermind...i will swallow it! It's just my day and i am trying not to complain so much. That's no other bags, my goodness! So, to any normal person like me, it must not have been a good day after all. A sudden loss of form on the pitch, missed this and that, a bag snapped on you out from nowhere and burned a big hole in your pocket.

Nevertheless, i still reached church in one piece. Praise God! Brushing every ill-feelings aside, and start to regenerate myself into the right setting and attitude. God is going to minister to me and those folks out there! I did not know that it was movie screening, and it was Narnia! It was a great time of ministry out there. Share more with you all later. Right now, it's time for another movie with my brother, Derick. See ya, folks! :)

1st Time....Blogging?? Oh..Cmon!

2007-05-25T07:58:00.000-07:00

Nothing much to brag about though....I have always thought that blogging is like a waste of time, having nothing to do and just write and write only. Not until one day, i was doing some journaling with my bible....Eh! Isn't that blogging in my own book? Sound funny huh?!

Well, after reading a few blogs and asked myself..."Why not try out, you dude!" It's the "in" thing now, my goodness!Okok! Since i got nothing to do, why not penning my thoughts,experiences,frustrations etc....and maybe someone can be blessed...Well, i don't know! Lets see then!

I was back home at around 10plus before going for the show, Pirates Of The Carribean. Will create some rating after watching it. Anyway, i do like the show and Jiahao happened to get those tickets, so...Why not?! I was deadbeat after the extended working hours till this morning and afternoon shift. Yawn! But nothing is gotta stop me from watching the show, and the match tomorrow morning, though its going be tiring, but nothing beats things which one enjoys. Movies and soccer are one of the best things that i can do it thru and thru. Haa!

Its almost 3am in the morning now, its time to get going to bed though.Hopefully i can hit my form for the match later, thats always a small problem on the pitch for not getting enough rest. Soccer have always been my source of strength and motivation before i know the Maker. I saw it as how describe life in particular though. So, lets talk a bit about soccer right now!

As the goalkeeper, you must keep the goal from being scored. If not, its like your goal being dashed into pieces, and you have to pick the ball out from the net. Defender, needless to say, you must defend the goal, we must defend the goal which we had set in life! Why let others dash your dreams and goals into pieces, and then fall like a loser? What about midfider? Create those goals, of course...In life, we must create goals to look forward to. Therefore, dont perish into the wilderness of this world, friends! Stikers are to get those goals! Create those goals and score them!

Life on this world is not very long, so make it like a game of soccer. Be the goalkeeper and keep those goals you had set, even if you have to pick out the balls out from the net again and again. Don't be dismayed, because whatever had been dashed, we still gotta pick up those pieces and start all over again. Be the midfielder and start creating those dreams again, and be confident that it will be scored! What about being the defender? In life, we will face countless of challenges, standing against mockeries, slanders and temptations. Its like how defenders being attacked at the goalmouth, we gotta defend those goals and dreams. After describing how keeping, defending and creating those goals like those players on the pitch, the most glamourous moment of all is the scoring of the goal. As we all know, the striker always get the most limelight. Therefore, even if you know about the art of keeping, defending and creating, don't just stand by it. Do know about scoring it, my friend! Whatever have a beginning, must have an end to it.

Ok...time's up! I'm going to defend my goal now. By the way, forgot to tell you that i play as the defender of the team. So what i am defender, i did create and score a couple of goals before. Haha! Therefore, you may wanna ask yourself, "What i want in life?" and "What's the next step now?"....then starts creating it, keep it, and defend it....don't know forget to score yeah?!